Occupational Hazards
by Laurus Nobilis
Summary: G1. Most of the time, Cosmos is all alone in space. And sometimes he meets his drinking buddies.


**Occupational Hazards**

Cosmos wasn't sure of when it had become a habit. It had just… happened, somehow. One moment he and Skyfire had spotted Decepticon activity near their new moon base, and next thing he knew they were all sharing energon and exchanging stories. And, as if that wasn't weird enough, it had started to happen more and more often.

He still felt a little guilty for not telling Prime about it. But, then again, he was sure that there was no real danger. Even if the Decepticons suddenly tried something funny, they were two against two; it wouldn't be that bad of a fight. Besides, he doubted Astrotrain and Blast Off would try anything in the first place. He didn't exactly _trust_ them – they were Decepticons, after all. And you didn't really become the best of friends with a guy who had once welded you to a wall.

But still… they seemed to actually enjoy those little meetings. They always brought enough energon for four _sometimes it's better just not to ask_, Skyfire had said, with a knowing look, the one time Cosmos wondered aloud where it was coming from). In all this time, it was always just the two of them who came, without telling anyone else. And the strangest thing of all: Cosmos_ believed _them when they said they'd thought the moon base was still abandoned. They had looked genuinely surprised to find anyone there, and at the same time they seemed relieved to find Autobots instead of someone from their own faction. That didn't make any sense.

… at least, until it turned out that they'd come all the way to the moon just to get overcharged and complain about Megatron. Then everything clicked into place.

Still, it was odd how easily they got along once they weren't trying to shoot each other. Enough to meet again, even. How many times had they done this already? He'd lost count.

It was hard to count with all this energon involved, anyway. That, and the stories were distracting. Astrotrain was rambling already.

"So I was stuck getting him to Saturn. To _Saturn_! Just to change his mind when we were nearly there, of course, stupid plan wasn't going to work in the first place. And then he had the nerve to expect me to be _appreciative_ for lugging his aft around the solar system!"

Cosmos couldn't help it. He'd drunk enough to talk without thinking, too.

"See, Prime would never do that."

"Right," Blast Off said. "And I bet Prime always says 'please' and 'thank you', too."

"Well, of course!"

"Like that makes a difference!" The Decepticon shuttle didn't bother to hide his disdain. "You're still stuck up here, aren't you?"

"It makes _all _the difference," Skyfire intervened, before Cosmos could reply. "It's good to know your job is appreciated, even if it can be a bit boring sometimes."

"A bit boring?" Astrotrain repeated, incredulous. "A _bit_? You looked more than a bit bored the other day in the island."

"That was different. I had plans for that day," he replied, his voice full of longing. "I was going to collect mineral samples with Beachcomber and Perceptor…"

"That sounds even worse than work," the triple-changer muttered. "But anyway, point is, they screwed you over. So we're right."

"Do I need to remind you _why_ I had to take everyone to that island?"

"Hey, it's not like it was _my_ idea! I didn't want to be there, either."

"Oh, quit whining," said Blast Off. "I get to do the same job and on top of that, I have to combine with a bunch of idiots whenever it looks like we're going to lose horribly again. And one of them is the bot who once tried to sell us for spare parts. Beat _that_."

"Okay," Cosmos said. The others turned to look at him, surprised. It was probably the energon speaking, he was sure, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Especially because he _could_ top that.

"At least you get to work with other bots," he went on. "I'm all alone up here most of the time. It gets boring. Sometimes a friend or two come and join me but most of the time they're all too busy down there on Earth, and I can't blame them, because _someone_ keeps causing trouble. Every time I go to Earth, or anywhere, really, I end up crashing. Or in the middle of a fight. And that's on the _good_ days."

Although it hadn't been his intention, his little speech had the welcome effect of making both Decepticons shut up. Skyfire patted him on the head and passed him another cube.

Skyfire was a nice bot. He understood these things. Probably because he was really unlucky, too.

He was startled out of his thoughts when Astrotrain jumped up, looking quite surprised himself as he received a call through his comm link.

"Megatron! Yes, I'm – I'm, uh, _on my way_ – yeah. I'm on it."

"Breaktime's over, huh?" Blast Off asked. The shuttle gave him a not very friendly kick.

"For you, too. Slagging Constructicons need a ride –" He paused all of a sudden, as if he'd remembered a bit too late that he was, technically, in enemy company. "Anyway. They want us both back home."

They left without any other word, obviously in a hurry to reach Megatron before he had time to get _really_ mad. Not that Decepticons ever cared much for politeness in the first place. Once they were out of sight, Skyfire stood up, too, stretching his joints.

"Well, I guess that's my cue," he said, giving Cosmos an apologetic look. "I should go and tell Prime that we've, um, intercepted their conversation."

"S'all right," he replied. "I have to go back to work too, anyway."

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Skyfire promised him, smiling, right before he transformed and took off.

Cosmos took his time to finish his last cube; he was in no hurry, after all. At last, he stood up, was glad to find out that he wasn't swaying as much as he had expected, and got rid of all the empty cubes. He looked up into space – vast, _empty_ space – and transformed, getting ready to go back into orbit.

It wasn't _that_ bad, he told himself. At least it was quiet. And he didn't have to worry about going into battle, like his friends back on Earth. All he had to do was…

… well. Nothing much, really.

"… I hate my job."


End file.
